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The Waterfronts Parliament: Stealing Goes A-Trillion

Exactly of the dot of the appointed time, the Oldman of the Waterfronts got up. The Parliamentary Hall of the People of the Waterfronts was packed full as usual. He stretched his left hand and picked up the bottle of the local white brew. With his right hand, he picked up the little glass cup, permanent companion of the bottle of the local white brew. The People of the Waterfronts would never begin a serious discussion without calling on their ancestors first, and the local white brew is the only means of obtaining the attention of their ancestors. Why this is so, the present generation never knew. They only knew that their grandfathers have always called the ancestors through the local white brew and so they followed. Some said it was because the local white brew was the product of their own handimark and so they are always pleased with it.
“The Oldman of the Waterfronts filed the little glass cup and began his call on the ancestors.
“Odumodu, great ancestor of the People of the Waterfronts, there is trouble in the land and only you could douse the fire that is raging. Take, drink and help us. The madness of the People of the City has entered the market and has gone beyond human control. It was you, out of your love for your people, the People of the Waterfronts, that drained your precious blood at the time of your departure to the land beyond, stored it under the Mangroves which are your bones, beneath the mud, your flesh. You did it because you knew that in time to come, it would be the most sought after product that would be of immense benefit to your descendants. However, the People of the City, their neighbours, accidentally found it out and because you never knew their evil intentions, you allowed them to explore it, hoping they would never neglect your people, the People of the Waterfronts. Odumodu, the People of the City have dashed your hopes on the rocks. Take, drink and come to our rescue. We have suffered much under their crude and crooked ways. Since you uttered a curse on them for calling your precious blood ‘crude oil’, their ways have been crude and crooked. We do not know if we should plead with you to rescind your curse.
“Odumodu, he who dwells at the domain between the Land and the Sea, the People of the City now steal in trillions. Stealing thousands of naira for them is like stealing a kobo. In fact, you risk going to jail if you condescend so low as to steal in thousands. Stealing millions of naira is like stealing a few naira. Stealing billions of naira is like stealing a thousand naira. So, the People of the City have graduated into stealing trillions of naira. Odumodu, if you are here and you hear the trillions they have taken from the coffers in the name of subsidy, you will know that they are really cursed. They steal and turn to the poor masses to pay for their stealing in form of increased pump price of fuel. When the people protest, they send the security forces to kill and main them. They refused to hear when Prof. Tam David West and others were shouting that the subsidy issue was over bloated. The Farouk Lawan Ad hoc Probe Committee on Subsidy has opened our eyes.
As I am calling you now Odumodu, there is trouble in the land. We have been battling with ghost workers eating up our salaries, now ghost firms have entered the arena. Theirs is so phenomenal that they are paid N999m, 128 times within a day, the Farouk Lawan Committee has revealed. If you keep quiet Odumodu, within a month the entire wealth of the nation will be paid out to these ghost firms.
Meanwhile, we have pot-holes as roads, we still light bush lamps and candles to find our way when it is dark. There is no portable drinking water. You must buy what they called ‘pure water’ if you must drink. I remember someone calling it ‘pure gutter’ and I had to caution the person to be careful with words. As for food, you will be lucky if you eat with your family once a day. On the other hand, they, the People of the City, the corrupt few rich, wine and dine in their stolen castles and patronize prostitutes with their stolen money and fly around with private jets. Odumodu, it is a good thing that you are not here to witness these atrocities. They are so outrageous that people of your own temperament would not stomach it. Tell me, how can a functioning government allow an expenditure of trillions of naira for a subsidy that only N240 billion was voted for in last year’s budget? Does it make sense to you? Meanwhile, the government felt the only remedfy as to increase the pump price of fuel from N65 to N140. Odumodu, what kind of people are these?
“Odumodu, he who makes his presence felt at every promontory to your people, the People of the Waterfronts, we are really in a quandary. When we suspect someone to be stealing, we send the police. The police get to the person, negotiations follow and the suspect is left off the hook. We now created the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission, EFCC, to go after the suspect. They go to him, the same negotiation follows and a watery case is filed resulting into dismissal or no case submission. We try to get prosecutors and judges to look into the issue. They too satisfy themselves and let the suspect free. This is why it now pays to steal in trillions so that at the end of the numerous negotiations, the thief has something to fall back to. It is terrible, Odumodu. In fact, but for Senator Bukola Saraki who raised his voice against the arbitrary increase in the subsidy, we would still be wallowing in ignorance. May his tribe increase! Take and drink Odumodu”.
The little glass cup was empty and the Oldman of the Waterfronts picked the bottle of the local white brew and refilled it, and continued his call on the ancestors.
“Otumo-Ogugu, Favourite of the Maidens, he who goes in and out of the Maidens, detecting the unfaithful ones, take and drink. Remember us also. The ways of the People of the City could only be understood by you, the ancestors. We need you to add fillip to the resolve of the non-governmental organizations that stated, “While we hail the House of Representatives for this courageous job, we are totality shocked by the shameful collaboration between government officials and their importing collaborators who have over the years stole our people blind. We will not go to bed until every dime stolen from Nigerians under the corruption streaked so-called subsidy regime is recovered.” They went on to state, and we agree, “The findings of the committee are indeed telling because we now know that it is the polluted communities in the Niger Delta and the ordinary Nigerian on the streets that actually subsidize the thieving companies and their friends in governments who deploy some of their proceeds to the political parties.”
“Osokolo, another Favourite of the Maidens, he who pursues the Maidens out of the Waterfronts, urging them to get home and perform their feminine duties, take and drink. We need your support. We need you to tell the authorities that we agree with Femi Falana who said, “The mere termination of the auditors services is not commensurate with the morality of the economic crime committed by them, (Akinotola Williams and company and Adekanola and company, two auditing firms indicted by the Faronk Lawal committee). In the first place, the auditors should be made to refund the billions of naira collected as professional fees for colluding with the fuel importers to swindle the nation. Secondly, the indicted auditors should be reported to the EFCC for investigation and prosecution for conspiracy to defraud and obtaining money by pretense. Thirdly, the report of the House committee on the fuel subsidy scam should be sent to the relevant professional body for appropriate disciplinary measure.” Take and drink, Osokolo, and let this be done.”
The Oldman of the Waterfronts ended his libation, filled the little glass cup again and drank all. He allowed the bottle of the local white brew and the little glass cup to go round the hall and the People of the Waterfronts did like him.
Angaladikibo, the Watcher of the Mangroves, got up and spoke. “People of the Waterfronts, this fight against corruption should not be taken lightly. It is not easy. Didn’t they say charity begins at home? If the home front embraces corruption, the child goes outside and exhibits same. He knew that his household, his community, would welcome him and shower him with chieftaincy titles as long as he allowed the crumbs to fall on the ground for them to pick. Take the case of former governor James Onanefe Ibori, for example. This man virtually emptied the purse of his state, Delta State and bought several mansions and exotic cars abroad. But, he was clever enough not to build industries in his home town or the state and only allowed the crumbs to be picked. Now, after he confessed abroad and has been sentenced to 13 years in jail, the youths of Oghara, his home town, and the Oghara National Congress whose President is ironically a Knight of St Christopher, who he has impoverished, had declared their unflinching loyalty to him and vowed to deal mercilessly with anyone who dared accuse or ask about him. They said their leader was a victim of high powered political intrigues, despite the fact that he willingly confessed to the crimes. The very group that said it accepted the judgement, as it came from a “well-constituted court of competent jurisdiction,” also said it would continue to pray for Ibori’s vindication. What a contradiction for a group who knew that Ibori confessed to the crimes in a competent court! All for kinsman’s sake?
“Now, tell me, if the owners of the property stolen still accommodate the thief and still regard him as a saint, why would he not be bold enough to steal more? Until the household rejects the thief, he would continue stealing.
They were not ashamed to say he tarred several link roads in the community, he cited one of the state stadia and polytechnic and also the Delta State University Teaching Hospital. What was his duty as a governor? Did he carry out these projects with his personal money?
“People of the Waterfronts, the corruption root of the People of the City goes down to the homes and it would be difficult to dig out.”
The Oldman of the Waterfronts thought about it, filled the little glass cup with the local white brew and swallowed all. ###

By Kenneth Amabipi
0803 668 7846
Email: kennymaps@yahoo.co.uk

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