Whether it is by choice or the result of an unfortunate circumstances, single motherhood brings its own unique sets of joy and challenges.
For the purpose of this write up, I want to restrict my opinion to single unmarried mothers that was abandoned or single motherhood by choice.
Single motherhood can be a very difficult adventure but understanding the challenges that single mothers face can encourage proactive solutions arm you with the tools needed to make the most of the single motherhood experience.
Our society today so much frowned at single mothers. People see them as irresponsible girl(s) that God had decided to expose.
For the singular reason that you say NO to ABORTION, you did not owe anybody any explanation, whatsoever. Be bold to stand by the consequences of your actions and those who are matured in reasoning wouldn’t look down on you.
Women have a strong nurturing side that causes them to take ownership of the brokenness and hurt they see, whatever the situation, I want to tell single mothers to first, love and accept themselves, see their child/children as their responsibility and not liability, strive to solely cater for the children, refuse to be boxed in societal perceptions and to have absolute faith in God to grant you the very special peace and joy that comes with being alone mother.
Majority of single mothers felt lonely, helpless, lack of identity. In the social sphere, single mothers tried to avoid attending social gathering and also find it hard or difficult to maintain discipline among the children die to absence of male members.
Child rearing can be difficult under any circumstances, without partner the risks are even higher, as a single mother, you have to be up and doing, as this can result in an added pressure, stress and tiredness. You are too tired or distracted to be emotionally supportive or consistently discipline by the things you see around you, your children might have behavioural problems.
As a single mother who is the breadwinner, disciplinarian, role model, and chief guardian of your children’s health, education and happiness, make a heroic attempt to fulfill and excel at all these roles and more.
Single mothers experience more stressful life event than married mothers. Stress can weaken the single mothers, immune system, when a hormone that makes one more focused and ready to spring into action is over stressed, therefore make you fall sick and such will affect your children directly or indirectly.
Your child may observed you being angry, upset or sad when major life issues crop up, the only thing you should do is to let your child know your negative emotions are not because of him/her, and that you love him/her more than anything.
If your child is matured enough to understand, share what is affecting you with him/her, when you express your feelings, even he/she will feel free to express him/herself to you.
One major thing you will face as a challenge as a single mother is that you will experience the stress of financial strains, especially if you don’t have anybody assisting you, but remember, don’t discuss critical issue like financial problems with your child, it will make him/her anxious and that might result to looking elsewhere for help, and you know what that means.
As a single mother, there are certain steps you need to take to smooth your journey as a single mother.
- As a single mom, first and foremost have a source of income. There is no way; you can take care of your family successfully without what is giving you money whether on daily, weekly, monthly or yearly basis. Single mothers get frustrated when they don’t have the means to cater for their families. So ensure you have source of income for the smooth running of your family.
- Single mothers should have a firm financial budget. Majority of problems faced by single mothers is financially related, and most times, it results from improper financial planning. As a single mom, it is necessary that you draw up financial budget and stick to it. Calculate how much you earn, what your main expenses are and figure out what is left over for saving and plan accordingly. This is to ensure that you don’t live above your income and always into debts.
- As life is full of uncertainties, there is need for the single moms to plan ahead for any emergencies that may arise. Apart from putting money aside for emergencies, ensure that you have a first aid box in the house, though we are not praying for any bad situation but one must be proactive.
- Set your priorities right. A number of single mom think, they can do everything on their own. Cleaning the house, cooking the meals, attending to the children’s needs can run your health down, as a single mother, it is important that you stay realistic about what you can and can’t accomplish in a day. Lower your expectations and give yourself a break. You don’t have to do everything on your own, free up some personal time by hiring help from time to time.
- By circumstances or by choice, you accepted to be a single mother, don’t envy married women. Things are extra difficult, don’t assume, if you were married like them, situation wouldn’t have handled you this way. The married women you see around you have their own peculiar challenge too. It is not all rosy with them but the different is that, they have a shoulder to cry on when the need arises. Constant envy breeds resentment and bitterness which eventually can drains your energy and cause you enough stress to ensure your situation gets even extra difficult. Focus on yourself and family and leave the rest to God.
- Cut your coat according to the material on ground. You are a single mom, caring for your children alone; always make sure you don’t use another person’s eyes to sleep. Don’t set another family as a standard for your own living. A family that has a male (father) as the breadwinner cannot be compared with a single woman struggling for daily for her family.
- Don’t be too proud or shy to rely on people around you when you need help or support. I am not saying, you should push your problems to people, but to an extent build a community around you. Don’t be afraid to open up to others, you can push yourself into some social situation, join a church or a club even attends events in your location. Just because you are a single mother, does not mean you and your children should not have other people to go to. Have a diverse social circle and keep a positive outlook on life. Don’t sit around and play victim to your circumstances. Rise up and appreciate yourself and know that you just fulfill God’s vision by not terminating that baby that makes you a single mother. For “if God is for you, who can be against you”. ###
EDITH NSE FRIDAY
08025293937
fridaynse@yahoo.com
