The dream of every woman is to have a child and somebody to call her mom.
In African tradition, having a male child is very importance which every woman looks forward to.
As much as having a male child is important in the African society, mothers should have it at the back of their mind that one day; they will be mother in-law to somebody. Hence preparation starts on how to accommodate a daughter which not your biological daughter from a different background, home, principles, precept etc.
It is the desire of every daughter in-law to have a good, caring, considerate, accommodative passionate mother in-law especially daughter in-law that have lost their mothers.
There had been a general notion or opinion that daughter in-law across the world have against their mothers-in-law that, mothers in-law are mean, cruel, harsh, selfish, unkind, inconsiderate, unaccommodative and wicked, therefore wives wish they never had anything to do with them.
Many ladies are afraid of having mothers-in-law when they marry, and very few wives have ever had anything good to say about their mothers-in-law.
On the ground of the pre-conceived idea about mothers in-law that many wives had while they were yet to be married, many of them came into their marriage prepared for the battle that must be fought to put their mothers-in-law in the right place.
It is my candid opinion that daughters in-law should appreciate their mothers-in-law first. Why? Your husband couldn’t have got to where you met him without the support and prayers of his mother. So mother in-law should be well appreciated despite the lapses you see in them. My dear, if you take account of how you were raised by your parents, you will know that raising a child to responsible adult is not a child’s play or an easy task.
The book of Ruth gives a clear picture of how mother in-law is supposed to treat her daughter in-law. Naomi and Ruth faced difficult circumstances and yet they loved each other well, respect each other.
Yes mom, your prayer as a mother was for you to have a son who will also maintain the family linkage, by having a daughter in-law, is a prayer comes true. Therefore, the way and manner, you will treat your biological daughter, treat your daughter in-law same way.
For the fact that she accepted to marry your son show that she loves your family and appreciates your good work and efforts.
Mothers-in-law; let’s borrow a leaf from Naomi, the wife of Elimelech in the Book of Ruth. When Naomi the mother in-law of Ruth realized that Ruth, the daughter in-law was determined to be with her, Naomi stopped urging her, meaning hence a woman who has determined to marry your son, see her as your daughter, one who has come to add to your life, son and the entire family.
Naomi sees Ruth as a blessing not a threat, see your daughter in-law as a blessing, one that you are about to give the baton of linkage to.
Prov. 23:7 says “As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he”. If you think because a lady want to marry or is married to your son, she is coming to reap from where she did not sow or she is a gold digger in your house, ofcourse, she will be a gold digger in your house but if you see her as one who will dig gold for you she will still do the same. It all depends on what you have in mind.
Love your daughter in-law unconditionally, encourage your son to build, develop and define his marriage role. Don’t fight for position in your son’s life. You remain his mother; no daughter in-law can dispute that. Good mothers want their kids to have good marriages.
Compliment your daughter in-law, never criticize, make an effort to applaud, praise and thank her. Tell her how much you appreciate her positive influence on your son. Accept her for who she is, realize that your daughter in-law was not raised the same way, you raised your son. They cannot have the same standard. ####
To be continued
Edith Nse Friday
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